Well, this is going to be a relationship post. It's not so much for other people to read, but for myself. So here we go.

I finally found him. The boy I mentioned in my last post and I have hit it off--we are "together", Facebook official and all. And, to be honest, I'm ridiculously happy and terrified at the same time.

With Boy, I feel like I've found something different--a person who cares for me exactly the same as how I care for him. He's not dating me because he's bored. I'm not forcing something to happen that has no basis. He likes me. Me. Not someone I've pretended to be, not some persona that I put on to try to make him fall for me. Just plain old Stephanie. And for someone with a lot of insecurities, it is a balm for a sore heart that has been rejected ten times more than it has been accepted. He doesn't seem to care that I'm not 120 pounds, blonde, and gorgeous, like so many of the girls in Athens are. He thinks (or so he has told me) that I'm funny and sweet and cute, just the way I am. After years of looking, I've finally found what I've always been looking for, and to top it off, I can't help but smile when I think of him.

On the other side, now that I have him, I'm scared of losing him. I've never really had a relationship before, just a lot of dating--what if I do something wrong? What if, after everything, I somehow drive him away?

So, I have good news and bad news. First the bad news.

On December 5, 2009, Mr. Wiggles died. He had a respiratory infection due to stress and being too cold (I left him at a friend's house over Thanksgiving, and it didn't go well). The vet told me he would be fine, but by Saturday afternoon he was lethargic and unresponsive. He passed on the way to the animal hospital. While I'd only had him a few months, I became attached to him. He was the first and only pet who was completely mine-- I bought him, paid for all his stuff. He was my companion in my first apartment, and kept me company when I felt alone or frustrated with my roommate. He was the first thing I saw in the morning and the last I saw at night. It broke my heart to lose him, and I didn't realize the full extent until I came home last night and saw the empty hole where his cage used to be. No matter what happened in my life, he was always a cute, sweet presence when I felt distanced from the people I love or stressed out from one too many papers. I miss him, I love him, and I only wish I had taken him to the vet a few days sooner. RIP Mr. Wiggles.

The good news is that I met a boy. I like him, and he seems to actually be interested in me--I'm not the one doing the pursuing. I can be myself around him, which is another big plus. He also happens to go to UGA and live in my hometown, which is ridiculously convenient. I don't have my hopes up quite yet, but I like where this is heading. My mom always told me something would find me when I least expected it--maybe this is it.